What do snakebites, scorched flesh and blindness have in common?
No, they’re not the next members of Retribution – they’re all worked injuries that WWE has used over the years to further angles. All of them have something else in common too. Namely, the wrestlers claiming them were lying pieces of sh*t (or, in some cases, cunning goodies) who only sought to pull the proverbial cashmere over everyone’s eyes and trick them into believing they were seriously hurt.
Then, once foes were ensnared, they’d reveal that it was all a ruse and go on the attack. That’s really the main criteria here: WWE stars (and one from beyond McMahon city limits) had to be 100% faking it. Injuries also had to be significant enough that they’d tease retirement, permanent scarring or possibly change a worker’s plans forever.
Then, surprise! Nothing was actually wrong with the “afflicted”.
There’s no room for authentic injuries in here. Nah, it’s much more fun to look at kayfabe melted faces, possibly-mangled-but-not-really limbs, cigarettes being pushed into eyeballs and some of the best mock-suffering in pro wrestling history.
Bring on those Academy Awards…